Scripture encourages us to honor our mother and father. While this guidance offers a framework for family relationships, it can feel daunting when those we’re supposed to honor have caused us pain. When our parents don’t protect us, or when we find ourselves in therapy unpacking deep-seated insecurities stemming from our upbringing, it can be incredibly challenging.
As the holiday season approaches, many of us may find ourselves forced to confront difficult emotions during family gatherings, feelings we often manage to avoid through distance.
In those moments when old wounds resurface, it is important to remember the strength we have through Jesus. As sons and daughters of God, we are welcomed into an unshakeable kingdom, which allows us to honor our families even in the face of their failures. We don’t have to rely solely on our own strength; instead, we can rely on who God is.
I can understand the tension that arises when we try to honor our families while remembering past hurts. Ephesians reminds us to “be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” In the midst of our own struggles, Jesus sees us and chooses to love us unconditionally.
As we reflect on this grace, we should strive to forgive. Forgiveness is about releasing the grip that anger, bitterness, and resentment can have on our hearts. It’s about surrendering our hurt to God, trusting that He will heal us and bring about justice in His perfect timing.
When we make the choice to forgive, we mirror the heart of Jesus. He understood betrayal and rejection. Abandoned by those closest to Him during His darkest hours and mocked by the very people He came to save. He still chose the path of love. Even while suffering on the cross, He asked, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). The same Spirit that rose Jesus from the dead is the same spirit that lives on the inside of us.
As you gather with family this holiday season, it’s natural for old wounds to resurface and for familiar feelings to arise. It’s completely understandable and okay to acknowledge those feelings. Healing often begins when we stop pretending that everything is perfect and allow God to step into our mess. I encourage you to pray for strength to face those emotions and for wisdom to handle these moments with both grace and truth
Honoring your family doesn’t imply that you approve of or agree with their actions. It can feel so challenging to navigate this, especially if their failures have deeply impacted you. Choosing to honor family, despite their shortcomings, is an act of obedience to God. It’s about treating your family with dignity and respecting them for who they are, recognizing that they, too, are creations of God. It means praying for their well-being and asking God to bless them, even when it’s incredibly tough. Romans 12:14 reminds us to “bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.” This doesn’t negate the pain they’ve caused but instead affirms our decision not to let that pain define us.
And remember, you are not alone in this journey. Jesus assured us in Matthew 28:20, “I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” He walks beside you during family gatherings, granting you the courage to forgive, the wisdom to set boundaries, and the peace to release what you cannot control. Lean into His presence, knowing that He is there to guide you through it all.
Tyler Jones is Student Ministry Pastor at Koinonia Church in Hanford, CA. He can be reached at tyler@kchanford.com or 559-582-1528.